I'm (not) Fine
by Anna-Jay
Summary: Scott's fine. Really. He wished everyone would believe him. (He wished he believed it, too).


"_Scott, Mr. Vidal has sent you another message."_

Scott sighed and rubbed the unbruised side of his face. Everything hurt, but Scott guessed that's what happened when you confront the Archon, get a giant needle jammed in the back of your neck, _die_, and come back to life. All in the span of a few hours. He was still coming to terms with what happened on the Archon's ship. Decisions under pressure were made. He did what he had to do.

Maybe if he kept telling himself that then the pain would go away.

Scott closed his eyes. He tried not to think of Raeka and think of the positive outcomes on the Archon's ship. Drack's scouts were alive, the Salarian Ark was saved, and they learned more about Meridian. Good. These were all good. Good, good, good, good, go-

_Pling!_

Scott's eyes snapped open. Reyes was a persistent sonofabitch. They hadn't talked since the bitter argument that ensued after what happened in the Kadara caves. Reyes lied to him. _Used_ him. The Collective now had control of Kadara Port, the Initiative had their outpost, and Scott's heart was broken. He refused to shed any tears. Reyes didn't deserve them. The lead to Meridian and the Archon's ship helped as a distraction, but with everything said and done it just added onto the weight Scott had to bear.

_Pling!_

Scott groaned and threw his pillow over his face. How did Reyes even know about the Archon mission?

_Probably has one of his spies watching. Probably hacked the Tempest somehow, _Scott thought bitterly. He was tempted to ask SAM to scan the Tempest to ensure everything was okay, but if anything were amiss SAM would have alerted him by now.

"_Scott, if I may give some advice," _SAM's calm voice echoed through the room._ "I would respond to Mr. Vidal sooner rather than later."_

Scott sighed. He sat up in bed slowly. His muscles spasmed, and he hissed.

"_Scott—"_

"I'm okay, SAM." Scott said between his teeth. He clenched his fingers into the comforter. "Give me a moment." He gave a few deep breaths before struggling to stand. Perhaps he would stagger down to medbay after he dealt with Reyes.

Scott winced as he sat down at the computer. There were twenty odd unread messages from Reyes, not including the ones sent before today.

Scott hesitated before opening the most recent email.

_Please just let me know if you're alright._

Scott pinched the bridge of his nose before rubbing his hands over his face. He was too tired for this shit. Scott took a deep breath and typed out:

_I'm alive._

There. Short, sweet, and to the point. Reyes would be reassured and get off Scott's back, and Scott could continue pretending everything was okay.

_Pling!_

The message opened automatically.

_That's not what I asked._

Scott suddenly could feel the pinprick of tears which made him angrier. He just wanted to be left alone. Was that too much to ask?

"_Scott, I'm detecting an elevation in your heartbeat and a chemical imbalance in your system which may lead to a panic attack."_

_Oh, fucking great. _Scott thought bitterly as he tried to get his emotions under control.

"_Scott, it is—"_

"Please stop talking, SAM." Scott gasped out. "I'm fine. Everything's fine."

SAM did not respond. Scott took another gasping breath before crawling into bed. What he needed was sleep. He would feel better after he had a few hours of sleep.

_Pling!_

"Mute all email notifications." Scott ordered. He closed his eyes and fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Sara being awake was the best news Scott had heard in days. He nearly broke down when he saw her sitting up in bed. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with her and cling onto her. Just like they had done when they were children. He couldn't. Not with so many people around. He was the Pathfinder, after all. He already disappointed Tann with his decision on the Archon's ship. Dad would be disappointed, too.

Sara's face lit up when she saw him. "Scotty!" She exclaimed.

She jumped out of bed to give Scott a big hug. Scott winced, and Sara immediately pulled back. She gave him a once over. "You look like shit. What happened?"

Scott couldn't help but laugh. He spent hours giving Sara the rundown of what she missed while she was in a coma. The planets he visited, the allies he made. Scott's crew came to visit and to meet Sara. Just like he thought, Sara hit it off with everyone. She would fit right in once she was allowed to leave the Nexus medbay.

Night on the Nexus came. Sara stifled a yawn, and Scott finally willed himself to say good night.

"I'll come tomorrow bright and early," Scott promised. He grabbed his boots and began to slip them on. "I'll bring Jaal and Peebee along, and you guys can talk tech."

Sara smiled and nodded. There was a long pause before she blurted out, "Are you sure you're alright?"

_Please just let me know if you're alright._

Scott paused in slipping on his jacket.

"I mean of course you're not. I know you, Scott," Sara bit her lip. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Scott opened his mouth before shutting it. He wanted to tell Sara everything. He wanted to tell her about how he was unable to sleep due to what he saw on the Archon's ship. He wanted to tell her how he thought dad made a mistake of making him Pathfinder. He wanted to tell her about Reyes, and how the first relationship he had in as long as he could remember disintegrated in a web of lies. No. He couldn't. It was his pain to bear.

Scott realized he was clenching his hands and flexed his fingers. "I'm fine. I'm just exhausted, you know?"

"Scotty –"

Scott leaned down and gave Sara a tight hug. Sara hugged back, and Scott didn't want to let go.

"I'm fine, Sara. Promise."

* * *

Scott paced around his room as he checked the list of plants Dr. Camden had requested. He was only missing a few plant samples, and Scott was hoping to get the rest before they left Kadara. The Tempest was currently docked at Ditaeon Outpost for the night. Earlier that day, Scott had received an urgent message regarding a missing person. What he expected to be an easy mission turned into a near all day battle with an Architect.

Scott rolled his shoulders with a wince. His prior wounds and aches from the Archon still hadn't fully healed. He had promised Lexi he would try to take it easy, but it was never a boring day on Kadara.

Scott heaved a big sigh as he closed his Omni-tool. He tossed it onto his desk next to a pack of sleep aids. Lexi had given them to him after she noticed the bags under his eyes weren't going away. Actually, everyone on the ship noticed. They all offered ways to help Scott sleep from natural aids through plants and teas to shooting and cleaning guns. Scott thanked them, but always declined. He felt guilty for making them worry, but he hated sleep. His dreams were of death.

Scott picked up his Omni-tool again and went through his other lists. Maybe there was something he missed. Not a bad idea to double check.

The door to his room opened.

Scott paused. Strange. He knew he locked it. He turned around and jumped as Reyes sauntered into his room.

"You are a hard man to get ahold of." Reyes chuckled.

"What? How did you get in here?" Scott sputtered.

"Simple. I walked." Reyes gave him a mischievous smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "If it helps, I had an invitation."

"Invitation?" Scott parroted back. "From who?"

"Let's just say a fellow smuggler voiced some concerns and asked if I could help."

Scott groaned. He was going to have a long talk with Vetra after this.

Reyes looked Scott up and down. Before it would have sparked a flame in his belly but now it made Scott uneasy. He felt exposed. He was in nothing more than his boxers and a tank top while Reyes was fully clothed. As if sensing his discomfort, Reyes began to remove his armor.

Scott opened his mouth to protest when Reyes said, "I now see what she means."

Scott glowered. "I don't know what you're on about, but I'm fine."

Reyes scoffed. "You're a terrible liar, Scott."

"Well, I guess you would know, Charlatan." Scott sniped back. Reyes winced. Guilt bloomed in Scott's chest, but his anger kept him from apologizing. "Like I said. I'm fine. Get out."

"Look at yourself. You're a mess." Reyes gestured toward Scott's immaculate bed. "When was the last time you slept?"

Scott crossed his arms and remained silent.

Reyes sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Despite what you may think I care about you, Scott. If I could do it over again I would. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry I betrayed your trust." There was a rawness to his voice that made Scott turn away, his eyes suddenly blurry. "But please don't shut me out. Don't shut _them _out. We want to help you. What you've been through—"

"Stop talking."

"—was traumatic. Not just for you, but for all of us."

"I mean it, Vidal."

"You _died_ and you're not coping with it."

"_Shut up!_" Scott snapped. "You think you know me so well. I'm handling this fine. I've died before."

"And were you allowed to come to terms with that, or were you thrust into your duties as the Pathfinder?" Reyes growled.

Reyes stepped forward; Scott stepped back.

"You can't just bottle this up, Scott. You need to open up with your team about this. They are here to help you. _I'm _here to help you. You need to be honest with them, with yourself."

"No!" Scott shouted. He advanced on Reyes. "You don't get to lecture me on honesty, _Charlatan_. I opened up to you and what good did it do? You used me to overthrow Sloane. You could have told me upfront about your plan. I would have _listened_."

Scott gasped in a breath and was horrified to feel tears roll down his face. Reyes made an anguished noise and stepped forward with outstretched arms. Scott wasn't quick enough to avoid Reyes' grasp and was ensnared in a tight hug. He struggled. He attempted to hit and kick. Reyes was having none of it. He used Scott's flailing against him and brought him down onto the bed. Soon, Scott found himself efficiently pinned under Reyes.

"Let me go!"

Reyes only held tighter, hushed him and stroked his hair. "It's okay, cariño."

Scott continued struggle, but his anger quickly fizzled out and his held back pain flooded forward. He buried his face into Reyes' chest and finally let everything go.

Reyes held him tightly as he cried. He comforted him and whispered soothingly in his ears, switching from English then to Spanish. Time meant nothing to either of them in that moment. The only thing that mattered was each other.

The downpour of tears finally ebbed away. Scott hiccupped and rubbed his eyes.

"I'm not fine." Scott whimpered.

"Shh, cariño. I've got you." Reyes soothed.

"I don't want to sleep."

"I'll stay with you the whole night."

Scott sniffled. "…Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I might snore."

Reyes chuckled above him. "Coming from you I bet it's cute."

Scott gave a watery laugh. There was a long pause. "Reyes?"

"Yes?"

"…Thank you."

Reyes smiled into his hair. "I'll always be here for you, Scott."

The two held tightly onto each other. Scott closed his eyes and for the first time since the Archon's ship slept without dreaming.


End file.
